rita- six months later....

well, realizing that this blog is semi-defunct at the moment, I thought I would take a minute anyway to go into a rant, since this was the forum I ranted on initially when I first headed down to louisiana (so there is perhaps some context here for some poeple <-- or see the september archives if you forget). I just wanted to voice that my experience and frustrations with the red cross and having to leave the shelter I was working at without saying goodbyes affected me much more than I ever thought it would. I don't know if the issue was the 'unresolved' feeling of being forced out without getting to say goodbye.... the anger that I was kicked out based on my age and compassion level for something I did not do, the frustration that the redcross and fema could have made a huge difference and handled the disasters much more effectively, or the fact that these people are still being dicked around, etc.... whatever it is (or maybe the collective of all of that), my experience has somewhat (and not to be dramatic) haunted me.... there is literally not a day that goes by when I am not thinking about louisiana.
I tried to get information from the redcross in boston about my file.... I was told that there is a 'file' on me and that it won't effect me in the future. that being said, I kind of want to meet with the redcross guy who I have been dealing with since my return, although I have NO idea what I would say, to close that chapter of my life... as it is I am literally angry and upset everytime I see something that says redcross on it (which sucks, because it is such an omnipresent organization). I am somewhat comforted by the mass quanities of articles and shows criticizing the redcross (culminating with the head's reseignition) <-- just helps to know that I am not alone in my frustration. and, while I am incredibly frusterated by my experience, I think the most frusterating aspect of the whole thing is the organization, or total lack there of....
anyway, today, literally 6 months later, I was finally able to track down the residents from the shelter and talk to them. it was helpful to sort of 'close' that part of my life, rather than just leaving in the middle of the night.
louisiana is still f- up, far worse than that is the gulf coast of mississippi (where I went on my day trip to new orleans) <-- maybe you have seen the cnn piece on the area..... that is where I was and it still isn't healed. when I asked the resident (who is now living in a fema trailer) how she was doing she said 'we're surviving' (she went on to tell me about violence, and a 12 year old who was raped, etc.).

I am not entirely sure where I am going with this rant or tangent..... and perhaps you all think I am making a mountain out of a mole hill or intentionally dwelling on issues I should get over.... again, as I said, I too was surprised just how much this affected me. I have literally stay up at night thinking about how f-up the whole thing was. thankfully, talking to the residents today I think really helped. I wish I could just close that chapter... if you have a suggestion on what I could say or if there was a point to meeting with the redcross guy, I would greatly appreciate it. appologies for the rant.... but bottling it up has obviously not been helping! I would love to intellectualize this experience and move on asap.
thanks.